The Character of a Judge: An Intimate Interview with Judge Lynn Toler

By Darlene Williams

There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there ~Indira Ghandi

In the world of reality television it isn’t uncommon to see main characters sporting high end clothing while galavanting around with over priced jewelry, fake hair, fake nails and tons of makeup. So much so that in real life you could be standing next to one of them and not recognize who they are. Therefore making reality television everything except, REAL!

Contrarily, this is not the case with reality television star, Judge Lynn Toler. Her impressive on air disposition came shining through my computer screen when she stepped onto the camera for our interview. Her attire was relaxed, her natural hair was precisely combed to the side and she wore no make-up. Her naturally beautiful essence was radiant all by itself. Initially, we had a bit of technical difficulty but when we worked out the cyber kinks and were able to see and hear one another we both joyfully shouted “We did it!”

Her energy and demeanor was so awesome our discussion seemed to flow like that of best girlfriends who were catching up for the first time in months. Then we got down to business. 

Judge Toler is so much a force to be reckoned with that many people may have forgotten Judge Mablean was the first star on Divorce Court.  However, Judge Toler is living proof that a person can bring their swag to a reality show and OWN IT!

On the show and in real life Judge Lynn Toler is an instinctively good spirited, honest and nurturing woman. As we have seen in several episodes of her show, she knows how to keep it real while maintaining order and making sure people don’t get out of line. Although she appears to have the patience of a saint when it comes to helping people with marital problems, it is a proven fact that she does not tolerate disrespect and should not to be toyed with. On the flip side, when she detects that people are genuine, yet uncultivated, she offers heartfelt advice. 

It comes  as no surprise that she would choose to become an adjudicator, especially since her father once donned the robe and slammed his gavel. Ironically, her intentions were not to follow in her father’s footsteps as she initially wanted to study medicine. A career in the medical field was the plan when she attended Harvard University. There was a family expectation that she and her sister would become doctors. Satirically, she didn’t  pursue medicine and almost flunked out of school due to excessive partying and hanging out.  

When asked about her experience as a young Black woman living on campus at Harvard University she said “Harvard was not what some people may think, educationally I had the Blackest experience ever.”  Since she can remember she was in school with predominantly Caucasian students because her and her sister attended the best private schools. While reminiscing about living on Harvard’s campus and being  able to hang out with an array of Black students, she states “It was different but it was good.”

The advice she gives on Divorce Court and Marriage Bootcamp often seems to stem from a mother-wit that only certain women possess. This prompted me to ask about the origin of her insightfulness. She said that she was once told “It’s not what you know, it’s how you feel about it.”  She revealed that this is the best advice she was ever given and it is also the best advice that she gives. “Well, except when it comes to my  sons, my advice to them is to not marry too early.”

Another hue to her already colorful life is a blended family that consists of her husband, and their six sons. Four of her sons are who she refers to as her “bonus sons.” Judge Toler does not recall the transition into an amalgamated family because she knew what her responsibilities were and she just did what she had to do. In her typically thought provoking delivery she says “My family has always been successful because it is the right family for me.” 

With all of the sage wisdom that Judge Toler provides on television, it was difficult to learn that her self-confidence did not kick in until a few years ago. She describes herself as being very shy and withdrawn. Her sister is the one who was always outspoken and outgoing.  As a result, the bond between her and her sister was strained due to opposite personality types. Ultimately, Judge Toler relates her insecurities to growing up in a household with a father who was bipolar.

When their mom fell ill Judge Toler and her sister, Kathy, put their differences aside and grew closer. Her mother made her realize the importance of the acceptance and inclusion of her sister. It is safe to assume that her mother influenced her sister in the same manner, which made their reconciliation easier. Today, talk of her sister warms her heart and brings a huge uncontrollable smile to her face.

There are many people who no longer have their parents in the physical and wish they could say just one more thing to them. For Judge Toler this is not the case, “There is nothing that I would want to say to my parents that I didn’t already say when they were alive. I came from a family where everyone knew how the other felt, even if it was unfavorable. There weren’t any secrets so there aren’t any regrets”. 

While serving as a judge off screen, she saw countless women who were involved in domestic violence cases. She felt as though her hands were tied when it came to the help she was able to provide from the bench. Judge Toler believes the system only placed a band aid on these types of cases and sent women back into society to endure further abuse. As a result, she lends her celebrity to an organization that is dedicated to helping women who are domestic violence survivors. Today, Judge Toler is a staunch supporter of Bloom 365.  She also supports the agency by giving financial contributions as well as reviewing their legal documents free of charge. For more information about Bloom 365, visit their website at www.bloom365.0rg. 

When it comes to faith Judge Toler does not see herself as a religious person, however, she does believe in God. Presently, she doesn’t have a church home and admits that in regard to a place of worship “I am searching for the best fit and will know it when it comes about.”  

At the end of our interview I asked, “Who would you invite to a dinner party, alive or deceased?” Her response was “Winston Churchill, Indira Ghandi, Muhammad, and of course, Jesus!”  I was intrigued by her mention of Winston Churchill and asked her “Why him” she replied “He was a brilliant thinker and I believe he was bipolar which means he was all over the place, but brilliant nonetheless.”

Here are some fun facts about Judge Lynn:

• Describe yourself in one word: Contradictory

• Favorite thing to do: Read

• Favorite food: Double Stuffed Oreos

• Favorite color:  Yellow

• Celebrity friends: I don’t have any celebrity friends 

Daily Workout: Stretching, I try to stretch everyday and I go to the gym often

Kacy Duke, Graceful Gangsta

By Darlene Williams

“Shine bright like a diamond, find light in the beautiful sea, I choose to be happy”. Many of us recognize the insanely popular libretto from Rhianna’s hit record  “Diamonds”, but for Kacy Duke they are more than just lyrics.  

Those words are synonymous with the manner in which Kacy lives her life. Her seasoned energy is naturally flowing, inspiring and needed in a day where ego driven fitness coaches are plentiful. It is motivating to witness as she continues to make history in the world of fitness.  Kacy emanates an inner joy that makes you trust her. It is plain to see that her spirit is accustomed to dancing, smiling and of course, exercising.

Health and Wellness are a continuous global concern which means fitness training is and will continue to be big business. Kacy has mastered the art of maintaining her own dynamic physique while showing us how to do it too.  What’s even more amazing is the fact that she is in her 60’s and makes you do a double take when you look at her because it seems as if she is aging in reverse. Kacy intentionally makes you feel guilty about not moving if you have the ability to do so.  

She revealed that family is the highlight of her life while reminiscing on a recent visit with her son and daughter-in-law, who she refers to as, “the coolest”.  Kacy further disclosed that she only wanted one child because she loves experiences, not repetition. As fate would have it, she shares a birthday with her son whom she loves dearly. How phenomenal is it that God saw fit to have them born on the same day. 

Next to powerhouse in the dictionary should be a picture of Ms. Kacy Duke.  She is so vibrantly active it’s hard to keep up with her. She is an author, entrepreneur, celebrity fitness  and life coach. She takes pride in helping others feel their best and has helped sculpt over 9,000 bodies. Her celebrity clientele includes Maxwell, Lenny Kravitz, and Bruce Willis.

Staying fit is a way of life for Kacy and she believes that movement is a privilege.  “You should exercise everyday if you’ve been blessed to be able to move. Exercise is not necessarily being a member at the gym.  You can just take a walk, dance around the house, do something. I want to look nice in my clothes and I want to be healthy” says Kacy.

In addition to physical fitness she also recognizes that there’s more to being healthy physically.  How we think attributes in a huge manner with regard to our health. She also feels strongly about affirmations.  “Affirmations are important because it’s not easy to feel good everyday.” Kacy has a strong connection to God and confided “I always remind myself that God did not bring me this far to drop me and I have to find time to be happy, even in my lean times.” 

It is hard to believe that Ms. Duke has days when she does not feel amazing but when these rare days do occur she will take a nap or watch a funny movie. She candidly expresses the importance of having control over our thinking.  She believes when trials and tribulations happen we have to find the value in the lesson. “When you’re hurt make it a beacon instead of a burden” she stated.

Kacy invited me to work out with her then provided me with a pre-workout assessment in order to coach me with regard to my areas of concern.  She also provided me with easy to do exercises while at home. Her technique is uniquely unsuspecting. I expected to have sore and achy muscles in a day or two, however, to my surprise, I was hurting hours later. In places I didn’t even know I had muscles!  I felt like I got hit by a Mack truck. In just one session I learned to improve my form, adopt techniques specific to my needs, as well as come to appreciate all parts of my body. 

Kacy Duke Tips:  

• Work from a place of joy

• Thank every part of your body, especially the parts that you do not love. Encourage others to do the same

• Help others as much as possible 

• Don’t let magazines dictate what your body should look like

• Everyone is not meant to be slim and that is okay...find your own space

• Work on always being a good person

• Defy age,  don’t deny it

• Faith is a part of the journey

• Always look to God to lift you and put you on the right track 

• God will provide and the more you trust, the more God provides

Claire Sulmers...The Bomb Life

By Darlene Williams

“Spread Love It’s the Brooklyn Way” ~ Biggie Smalls

Some people are born with the "It" factor, Claire Sulmers is definitely one of those people. She is not only one of the hottest writers/influencers in the game right now, she is also a Harvard graduate versed in African American Studies who speaks French fluently.

In many instances purpose does not emanate until much later in life.  At a young age Claire Sulmers aspired to become an international business woman. Although she did not understand what being a successful businesswoman entailed, she had an innate desire to become successful. Today, her brand is one of the most recognized online publications in the world.  She is living proof that identifying your dreams and speaking them into existence is something that can actually happen. Claire believes that even when you do not have it all figured out, we should keep pushing forward. From what started as a hobby has since blossomed into the “go to” Instagram page and blog for fashionistas, actors, actresses, athletes, and everyday people who are looking to stay on top of the hottest new trends in fashion.

After their prayer circle, I had an opportunity to witness Claire in action as she spoke to a room full of beautiful bomb sistahs about her journey to the top. She revealed how being a writer lead into her true passion, fashion. "I started a blog called Fashion Bomb Daily. It was supposed to be a hobby, it was not supposed to become my job. I just started writing about what I love, which is shopping", laughs Claire. Ironically, she has masterfully transitioned the traditional manner in which we view fashion domestically and abroad. With over a million followers Fashion Bomb Daily has become a force to be reckoned with amongst celebrities, influencers and people who have prevailing taste.

Over the last 13 years Claire Sulmers has become a fashion icon and premier go to person when it comes to the latest trends. She has developed an unprecedented celebrity following that includes high profile names from various genres. Her success is not a fluke, she earned her spot as one of the best in the business through resilience, hard work, and sacrifice. Her inspiring rise to the upper echelon includes blind faith, rejection from major corporations, and sleeping on a twin size mattress on top of a tub in a friends bathroom in Paris. Claire believes "In life there's a level you get to then you go back to zero, then you catapult, times five". Her compelling story reveals an ingenious visionary who by following her heart turned her dreams into reality.

Fashion Bomb Daily’s IG page has over one million followers proving that it is a force to be reckoned with. It is difficult to ignore an IG page that flaunts a plethora of different styles and allows followers to rate each one. You can spend hours looking, rating, and wanting more. Her page has caught the attention of numerous A-List celebrities.

Some quick Claire facts:

• She is a fan of Kimora Lee Simmons

• She adores celebrity stylist, J. Bolin

• Her favorite color is periwinkle

• Her brother also attended Harvard University

• Her father was a pilot

• Her mother was an educator